…I am struck by the fact that the more slowly trees grow at first, the sounder they are at the core, and I think that the same is true for human beings. We do not wish to see children precocious, making great strides in their early years like sprouts, producing a soft and perishable timber; but better if they expand slowly at first, as if contending with difficulties, and are so solidified and perfected. Such trees continue to expand with nearly equal rapidity to an extreme old age.
~Henry David Thoreau
The above quote matches perfectly with the wisdom I have encountered in the training I have undertaken with the Gordon Neufeld Institute*. Maturation is really what we want for our children and, as Thoreau knew, it cannot be forced. Just as a seedling, if given the right conditions -soil, water, light, warmth, etc.- will unfold to its full potential, a child will mature naturally if given a safe place to feel its full range of emotions.
Welcome to Garden Song
The children’s day is very full with greeting new and old friends, experiencing the joy of circle time, engaging in imaginative play, having lots of outdoor adventures, eating a nutritious, warm meal, and enjoying many songs and stories. The children are also learning to trust other adults to help take care of their needs. From the first day to the last, the children are learning to be in a shared space with other friends. A tremendous social and developmental opportunity awaits them every day, but please know that we cannot expect young children to learn how to integrate socially until they can integrate within themselves**, which can only begin at age five.
Until then, we adults must observe, intervene, anticipate, script, and protect children in social situations***. Sometimes the learning is smooth and easy and other times it can present the child with challenges and learning opportunities. Through all the joys and challenges that await your child, teachers and parents work closely together on behalf of the children and the community.
Hmm….I wonder….
Often we hear parents arrive to collect their children with eager questions about the day’s activities and most often the questions are answered by dreamy gazes. “Nothing” seems to be the usual answer to the question, “What did you do at Garden Song today?” Because they live in the present moment, children are often unable to recount a way of sharing their day when asked directly. Perhaps throughout the day and evening you will hear a fragment of a song or a line of a verse, the name of a friend, or about how an “owie” occurred. Our experience has shown that in a short time, they will come to know the whole song and even a story, which they will recount freely.
You will find songs and seasonal verses on the website blog, which helps to build a bridge between Garden Song and home that supports the children. Parents are invited to share any questions they may have with Miss Julie and Miss Aja. It is our hope that we can all grow and learn together in a true spirit of community.
Some Basics:
Drop Off:
Our Garden Song hours are from 9:00 am - 1:00 pm, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. We are ready to receive the children as early as 8:55 am. Please walk them up the brick path to the side of the barn where they will join their teachers and friends.
We suggest that the child is fully bundled (or dressed for whatever conditions the day will bring) before stepping out of the house, as the Garden Song property is mostly shaded and cool, even when it is warm in the sun. This provides a healthy rhythm and firm boundary that the children will soon not question and that gives them a sense of safety in knowing that their parents know what is best. Rather than having to try to put on their coats, gloves, hats, etc., at school, you will have the opportunity to give big hugs and snuggles and ‘bridge over’ the separation they are facing, which means you focus on what you will do with your child when you see him or her after Garden Song; you provide something to which they may look forward in anticipation rather than sadness at the separation.
Children arriving late will miss circle time, which includes valuable movement and imaginative preparation for the day. Lateness also disrupts the circle. We know it’s not a perfect world, and some mornings can be hectic, but we ask that you do your best to keep this steady rhythm.
Pick Up:
The children will be ready for pick-up at 1:00 pm. When you arrive, there will be other parents about and you may be in conversation or need to talk to a teacher, but please take a few minutes to give undivided attention to your child- hugs, eye contact, listening to them, and maybe leaving promptly. Your child has been separated from you for four hours and needs many short, but important, attachment times with you throughout the day. These moments ensure that you continue to be the primary attachment for your child, and help to keep your child’s heart soft.
Parking:
There is limited parking at Garden Song. You are welcome to park in front of the house or in the driveway (There is also a spot behind Miss Aja’s vehicle between our drive and our neighbor’s). Please do not block the neighbors’ mailboxes. Our neighbors to the south have asked that we not use their driveway to turn around, however our driveway is available and it is possible to turn around in the street. For the time being, the driveway to the north is also available in which to turn around. Parking at Avery Park is free and alleviates traffic and parking issues. Walking to and from Garden Song is beneficial for several reasons:
It provides a great opportunity for you to connect with your child.
You can use this time to bridge over the coming separation by talking about what you will do when you see each other next.
After school, the walk gives you valuable one-on-one time to reestablish your attachment with each other.
Walking to school also helps children to awaken and prepare for the coming day.
Thank you for your understanding and for helping us keep on friendly terms with our neighbors.
Media:
What power you have as parents! One of the best ways you can support your child’s healthy development and imaginative play (which, in essence, is a young child’s ‘work’), is by reducing/eliminating screens from your child’s environment. We ask that you consider reducing/eliminating your child’s exposure to media (TV, movies, tablets, phones, etc…) especially on school days/nights. The children’s play at Garden Song is affected by the influence of undigested media, which hinders a child’s ability to ‘settle in’ to imaginative play. Instead, there can be much restless, non-purposeful movements and/or ‘shooting’ gestures. Movies like Frozen enter into play and the children are literally frozen because the characters are immobile and the child who has not seen the movie does not understand that “Elsa doesn’t do that!”
There is so much research pointing to the ill-effects of screens on brain development, eye development, and social development. Healthy development is fostered by a child’s own natural impulse toward movement when that movement is not interrupted by sitting before a screen. Screen use increases the production of dopamine, activates the same area of the brain as cocaine, and is highly addictive. If you are interested in exploring this further, there are many supportive resources like this one for parenting screen-free. Check out the possibilities!
What to Bring:
A hat – a wool one for cooler days, and a sunhat for sunnier days.
If your child needs sunblock, please apply it before school.
We will provide a cloth bag to hold two extra changes of clothing that may be left in the cubby: lots of layers- pants, long and short-sleeved shirts, underwear, and warm socks. A pillow slip in which we may send muddy clothes home to wash if needed.
Warm Layers for cool and colder weather - As teachers, in cold weather we try to wear three layers on top and two on the bottom- often under our rain gear! We have found that loose-fitting clothing that allows for movement is best. Please see the blog post: Brrr…How to Dress Your Children For Success in the Cold for clothing recommendations.
Rain gear and boots – yes it does get rainy and we love to experience all the days regardless of the weather as long as we are dry.
Illness:
Please keep your children home if they:
have had any combination of fever, vomiting or diarrhea in the last 24 hours
have green/yellow nasal discharge
have a deep, constant cough
have pink eye or any serious discharge from the eyes
have symptoms of a communicable disease; if you suspect Covid-19, please follow CDC guidelines
After an illness, children often appear healthy in the morning, but are still not up to the vigorous activities of the day. Please allow the child at least one full day of rest and recuperation after an illness.
Hooray!
We are so excited to explore this year together with you and your little ones! We are honored that you are entrusting us with your dear children and are excited to really get to know you and your child. It’s going to be a wonderful year!
With love and anticipation,
Julie & Aja
Notes:
*Neufeld is a developmental psychologist with 40+ years of experience and research in human development. He started out as a behavioralist, which is what our culture has been steeped in since the 1960s, and is what fills most parenting books today: how to get a child to behave, do what you want, excel, etc. and this is achieved primarily with ‘consequences;’ we take away that to which the child is most attached: time-outs (separation from us or shunning), taking away something they love, etc. Neufeld discovered that these parenting/teaching strategies, while they may ‘work’ with rats and some children, they are not in the child’s best interest. Neufeld stresses that we should see bad behavior as a symptom, and rather than trying to change it directly, or diagnose and label a child, we should focus on the child/parent relationship. Ideally parents, not peers, should be their children’s primary attachment. The Gordon Neufeld Institute has ongoing trainings and conferences.
**Self-integration can begin between ages five and seven, but is not guaranteed. It is present when an individual is capable of feeling two emotions at the same time. For example “My sister is so frustrating; I have hits that want to come out. But another part of me knows (can remember) that I love my sister and sometimes I have hugs for her.” Before age five, a child can only feel one emotion at a time. Maturation is a slow process and happens of its own accord when the conditions are conducive, but it cannot be forced.
***Any signs of aggression: hitting, pushing, biting, name calling (in children), sarcasm, swearing (in adults), etc., are indications that there is frustration. We experience frustration every day, and when we cannot change what is frustrating us, we call this futility, and we need to find our sadness or ‘tears of futility.’ When we cannot find our sadness, this frustration is not released and has to come out sooner or later as aggression.
Emerging Activity!